As Grouch Marx said, "I'd never belong to a club that would have me as a member!" Which is a very funny resignation from the Hillcrest Country Club. He was especially miffed because they wouldn't allow Jews in the pool. He also told his granddaughter to wade into the pool only up to her navel because, "only asses use that pool!"
The 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' doesn't have an 'official pool' but they could have swum in mine. Groucho would have been happy being a non-member. Of course, the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' isn't a fancy 'pinky finger in the air' club. In fact, the only other yacht club that has as much class, is the Ashtabula Yacht Club in the working harbor town, Ashtabula, Ohio. They had a coal tipple (conveyor) over the river at the club entrance, or they did have 40 years ago.
The 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' is right in the middle of paradise, no coal conveyer but not putting on the 'airs' either. Exception being; after baked beans are served at our cookouts. Our diversified membership has 50-foot yachts and 18-foot pontoon boats. I'm sure the club founders never anticipated the diverse group. At the clubs inception, they tied membership to the moderately priced homes on the canal.
Then the BOOM came and the prices spiraled into the stratosphere and the membership changed. After the crash, the membership changed once again. Now we are left with a plethora of social memberships and a declining full membership base. Our membership e-mail list has been decimated because of changes in location, etc.
Our plea to members and boaters who would like to be members is for them to send me, boatguiEd@aol.com, a message so we can update our list. This is very important because we have your 2011/2012 club shirts, burgees and membership cards stacked in my garage. My wife wants them gone but the mailer-demon keeps popping up telling me that you are no longer viable.
Our last happy hour club meeting at the Nauti Turtle was embarrassing because we didn't have any way to contact our social members. We didn't even ask for the club discount because no one would have believed our club was that small. The next scheduled happy hour meeting at Matanzas Inn and Restaurant may be as dismal if we can't update our contact list. E-mail me at boatguiEd@aol.com if you are an out-of-touch member or a boater who'd like to join. And there are several homes for sale on the canal in case you want to be a full member.
I must admit that the new club logo on the t-shirts, brainstormed by me and designed by Dan Nelson of Dan's Signs and Photoz on Canvas is great. Dan has been a long-time social member who does all our logo design. Many of you consider passed logos, works of art.
I apologize for using up precious space in my, 'soon to be Pulitzer Prize nominated', column but this is an important time for the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' so please contact me at boatguiEd@aol.com real soon. More important subjects will be addressed in upcoming weeks in this column.
Since it is too late in this column to introduce another subject, I will pass along some news. Trooper Tom is considering selling his boat and buying an RV. He isn't swallowing the anchor all the way but just part way because he will be joining the XYZ Boat Club. His plan is to map out all the XYZ national locations and travel to them by his new RV. It saddens his fellow members that he would take such a drastic move.
'Run-aground Ralph' is a great grandfather after his granddaughter-in-law delivered a healthy 8-pound boy last month. Unfortunately, his grandson wrecked his car on the way to the hospital and fortunately he wasn't hurt. The acorn doesn't fall very far from the tree.
Erie Earl knows where Ashtabula Yacht Club is because Erie, Pennsylvania is just across the border. That's how close our members are. I'm from Pennsyltuckey and the majority of our members are from surrounding states. Not to dismiss Boston Bob or other eastern state snobs.
The ladies auxiliarists are mad at me for the fashion show comments, and they will never have the swimsuit model back, ever. Notre Dame hater Boston Bob is ecstatic that Notre Dame lost to USF and he thinks Coach Kelly is a nut. The UMiami Ohio State bowl game, sponsored by the NCAA sanction committee, is in a couple of weeks and Ohio Dave is furious at the NCAA for the Ohio State sanctions but in total agreement with the Miami sanctions.
As you can see the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' is a fun and diverse group. If you like down home Florida boating, send m an e-mail to boatguiEd@aol.com and we'll assist you in filling out the one paragraph application. Sorry, it isn't in Spanish, yet. If you are looking for a more refined yacht club, try the Royal Palm Yacht Club on 1st street downtown. I hear they need members, too!
Send questions and comments to boatguiEd@aol.com or stop by the 'U Sell & Storage' on San Carlos Boulevard next to Jerry's Tire. I won't be there but say hello to Mrs. boatguy. Watch my son on 'Boater's Treasures TV' show returning this October!